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Breakups: From a Man’s Perspective

Breakups: From a Man’s Perspective

Do you understand the notion behind breakups?

This is for the ladies to understand the notion behind a man breaking up with you. Sometimes when a guy breaks up with you it does not mean he is a no-brainer and likewise it does not mean it was your fault neither does it make you less of a person. It simply might just be the guy is not ready to commit because he is at a point in his life where he does not feel psychologically ready to share his space with you or simply because he feels there are things he needs to achieve in his life before he is capable of committing to you.
As a woman you simply need to understand where the man is coming from, where he intends to go and how you can help him get there. Sometimes when a man breaks up with you it was not as easy for him as you thought. He had thought long and hard about it and probably did a BW Analysis (Best/ Worst scenario analysis).
Let us look into a man’s heart in a man’s words what he was thinking when he broke up with you:
I really don’t know how to put dis so I will just put it anyhow, all through my years of existence, I have really never met a woman as smart, intelligent, respectful, open minded and as dutiful as you, In fact meeting you has given me plenty hope for mankind, I have always had this stuck up believe that humans would always be humans; lacking basic sense and responsibilities,

Well in the last few weeks I have been doing some really intensive thinking and soul searching and I still came back to the same conclusion that I may never find someone better than you, however I also came to the same logical conclusion that even though I am looking for a soul mate I am still not psychologically ready for commitment.

Initially I thought I was ready but a lot has been happening to me lately and there is just too much stuffs I am chasing at the time. This would have to mean you waiting another 2-3years at best for me and to be honest, considering your age and all, I wouldn’t want to string you along for the ride without properly informing you first. Sometimes I wonder how come I met you still single, cause every right thinking man should have taken you a long time ago.

At this point in my life and with all the good gestures you have shown towards me, I do not want to be the reason for your smile and your tears, that’s why I had to tell you this now before it is too late.

If tomorrow you hate me I will perfectly understand, however I want you to know that you didn’t offend me in anyway whatsoever, neither did you say or do anything to influence my decision because truthfully I am hoping that we can still remain best of friends but that is not for me to decide.

In my opinion you have all it takes to be that special woman but unfortunately the phase I am in life at the moment is not really ready for this, I need to grow some more and stay away more from relationships. Meeting you broadened my mind, horizon, thinking and even my perception of what life is and what it should be.

I surely do not want to take undue advantage of you by making you give me the best days of your life then later tell you this

I also apologize in anticipation for whatever damage this will cause you; emotionally or psychologically.

So ladies not every heartbreak is your fault and neither does it mean he is a devil.
Credits: Crystaltots and Antman (for the man’s perspective).

THE MODERN WOMAN; A MAN’S PERSPECTIVE

[NB: This post is perceived as seen in the African setting, particularly the Nigerian socio cultural environment

It is no longer news that times have changed and that not many people have adapted to this change. As humans the earlier we recognize this change and quickly adapt, the better for everyone. For the sake of this post, we would try to evaluate what womanhood was and what it is now. We would be looking at three major Era’s, at least to the best of how I know or have experienced it, the 80’s, the 90’s and the present.

The girl child in the 80’s: The girl child in the 80’s was as innocent as they come, they were taught to close their eyes whenever a racy scene was shown in a movie. This girl child was so upright that even in the absence of her parents, she would still close her eyes when such a scene was on and that of her younger ones or else “she will tell mummy for you” and you know what that meant. They had plenty games like suwe and ten ten etc.

The girl child in the 90’s: This girl is a little more exposed and is not as innocent as the former, she knows what romance is but knows that romance is for adults only. She hasn’t only seen romance on TV but she has also seen it in real life, when uncle Bleep came to visit aunty yyy and gave her lollipop and Fanta not to tell mummy, and aunty yyy is always watching movies with all this romance scenes and would always utter words like am missing my “sugar” (the word back in the days before the advent of “baby”) so she had seen all this before but instead of stern warnings not to try them with grave consequences from aunty instead she gets a bribe to keep quiet. She re-invents suwe and ten ten to mummy and daddy play. I needn’t explain what mummy and daddy is; many of us were partakers in this game and everybody wanted to be mummy and daddy (winking).

The girl child at present: This girl is from the information age, now there are mobile phones, internet, cable TV and even computers at her disposal. She is not that naive girl from the 90’s there is simply too much at her disposal for anything to be hidden, she knows everything and can even educate her parents. She is crushing on boys already knows what a six packs is and knows that sex is a pleasing experience without even tasting it, she knows that uncle Bleep doesn’t just date aunty yyy but also aunty xyx ,aunty abc and aunty yyx and is also checking out aunty dcx. Armed with this knowledge she moves into the next stage of her life.

The adolescent girl of the 80’s: As a result of the absence of technology and plenty of information this girl is armed with the knowledge of the “girl child at the present”. She has seen Aunty Bleep cry a couple of times because Uncle Bleep left her, and went after Aunty xxy which he also left so she is armed with the fact that love is fictitious. She has also seen that the man is the head of the family, as she notices that daddy is the one who really goes out very early and comes back home late, when the fees are late, mummy will say ‘let’s pray that daddy gets money’ even though mummy works. It all seemed like daddy dictated what happens in the home and his words were law and once mummy had to use the phrase ‘I will tell your daddy when he comes back’ it spelt doom. Every major decision was daddy’s to make.

The adolescent girl of the 90’s: Is armed with all of the former and has learnt to flirt, she is aware of her hormones, she is self-conscious and has started watching what she wears and how she carries herself. Due to the training of the mothers of those days, they had much time on their hands to notice their daughters’ new carriage and they quickly tell her the old time fable “ at this age if a man touches you, you’ll get pregnant “. This singular belief keeps her in check with promises of ‘if you get pregnant you will stop schooling’.

The adolescent girl at present: This advanced young lady is armed with knowledge that can create a nuclear warhead just by owning a device called a mobile phone. Don’t get me wrong; this is not to fault the mobile phone, just saying this for enlightenment sake. She can read up on the fables of pregnancy, she is self-conscious and can advertise herself to the world from where she is seated in the corner of her room. The only kind of play she knows is called pre-intimacy and the word play in any language you put it is sexual in nature to the best of her knowledge. She disconnects the meaning of female empowerment to mean freedom of a woman to do whatever pleases her, she subconsciously becomes an advocate for feminism and knows that men come and go. So she constantly dates different guys with no remorse, more and more guys praise her with one sole objective. She meets men of different strata of the society and soon she starts to wonder why her father and mother treat her like she is some little girl, after all she is dating their age mates or close, and gets more money than they give her. Therefore she becomes rude and unruly.

The woman of the 80’s: Let’s assume she is married and has kids, just like she has been taught to know/think that the man is the head of the house. She is very hard working domestically and is probably a house wife, or has a shop that doesn’t take all her time. She is fully infused into the lives of her kids and is present at almost every important moment, prays for her husband to bring home the earnings and while the husband fights for the family’s livelihood, she defends the home front. Her husband is King and is treated as such, hot homemade meals and personal efforts are made to make him feel welcomed, in critical decisions her’s is just an opinion while the man’s decision is final.

The woman of the 90’s: At this critical time in history this woman wasn’t so much different from the woman of the 80’s. Due to the fact that technology of the two time periods weren’t so different. However the woman of the 90’s had more media exposure and had started to become more ambitious, the emergence of women like Margret Thatcher had emboldened them and had they had started chasing their careers at the expense of the family. The jobs made them men and the man had started feeling some kind of insecurity, however the society still kept many top roles for the men relegating women to the bottom of the career chain.

At this point we have to quickly remember the title of this post “The modern woman” this is where all the emphasis would be made, for this section we would look at what the modern woman should be, and what she is .

The modern woman now: Well looking back at history we can simply say this woman has come a long way from her growth. We shouldn’t quickly forget that the modern woman is that little girl of the late 80’s and the adolescent of the 90’s. Confronted with all the technology of the present time, she feels like she missed out on something, like she didn’t have enough fun like the modern adolescent and is forced to try to make-up for the days she thinks she missed. However confronted by the economic realities and evolution she is forced to be a career woman with little or no time to have fun as social functions take up the weekends but she now has technology at her disposal and that in itself helps her advertise herself from the corners of her office. She starts to meet up with different kind of men that soon make her see her husband as incapable in so many areas, besides she earns her own pay and feels a sense of independence. When it comes to decision making she wants to be heard first, after all her numerous toasters out there who are more capable than her husband in many aspects always give her prominence when she speaks so who is this man that won’t listen?

Soon the children who are supposed to be her biological responsibility are shifted to the man because she brings in a portion of the income then she says the house chores should also be shared equally. Once the man starts to challenge her stand she tells the man he can bite the dust and the marriage comes crashing because of her numerous suitors and her celebrated achievements in the office.

The modern woman as should be [/I]: I must make mention here that the views expressed here aren’t mine but that of a lot of men out there .Economic times have made it imperative for the female folk to assist in making a living and so the woman is mostly a working woman. The modern man as a result of technology is exposed to a lot of women, and thinks that cheating is his birth right and that the modern woman should accept him because according to him, ‘it’s no fault of his’. These women keep throwing themselves at him and he can’t seem to fight it, however he wants his wife to remain faithful as long as he doesn’t bring the concubine home. The modern man also wants his wife to be the biggest career woman celebrated all over the world and still earn under him, he wants to come home after she does and gets served his meal hot and be welcomed like he saw he parents did in the 80’s. He wants her to take time out to listen to the children and their needs, be there when they need help and still submit her salary to him when she gets paid, he wants to dictate what she can wear, eat and who she can see and call, while he can do anything, after all he is the head of the house. He wants his word to be law, sometimes he feels he is doing her a favor by remaining in the marriage because of the numerous girls chasing him, and with time if she can’t make him Emperor Supreme and cannot submit to the above laws, he ends the marriage.

[I]The modern woman, my view: Well since women have started achieving feats as men have, and have started having a fair share of contributing to the family finance its only fair that the law of “all animals are equal but some animals are more equal” comes to play. In this context the man still remains the head of the house as ‘the more equal animal’. I think marriages shouldn’t just be on the assumption that everybody’s roles are clearly defined. I think every marriage should become unique and should be clearly defined before going into the institution.

Let’s face it, today marriages have become an organized arrangement where two people live under a common roof irrespective of what happens under such a roof. Successful marriages are just the ones who remain together irrespective of what happens under such roof. Times have changed and so has everything including the institution called marriage, the emergence of technology and economic times can never bring back the institution of marriage to the period where everyone assumed to have natural roles. I think a man and a woman should clearly define what they want from their marriage and even have something like a partnership deed that helps govern the do’s and don’ts, instead of all the disguised organizations under a common roof.

Nowadays a man and another man can live under same roof and still call it marriage and there are even people here in Africa calling for this kind of marriage.

I think until couples can clearly define what they want from the marriage, divorce will continually prevail.

Gospel of the Anthill by the Antman.

Thank you.

BEEF OR GENUINE CONCERN

BEEF OR GENUINE CONCERN

A very dear friend sent me this piece and said “I wrote something and I will love for you to read it. I knew how you would say it because I listen to you a lot”. I fell in love with it when I read it; just as he said. And by the way he is a Masculine Man. 

Do read and enjoy.

It’s no more news that Linda Ikeji Nigeria’s supposedly biggest blogger has been making the rounds for some time, her life has since been like a book, those that have been following her can confidently say that we’ve seen her from glory to glory and have seen her move from one car to the other. Lately her acquisition of a brand new mansion in Nigeria’s supposedly most expensive piece of real estate has been making the rounds with mixed reactions, a section of people applauded her while another section have since met the development with disdain and what I like to term “Beef
Beef: a street slang that means hate for a person or thing for personal reasons

Internet platforms like Twitter, Facebook and even popular forums in Nigeria like Nairaland came alive with people saying things like why does she have such a big house without a husband? Well am not here to sing Linda’s praise; I have never met her nor have I ever seen her in person, but am just concerned about the perceived mindset of the average African man. The average African man is chauvinistic in nature and, if you think this post is about siding with Linda then in my opinion you are chauvinistic as well.

“Linda is a woman that should be a role model for many wives and even husbands, she imported the idea of blogging, developed it, branded it, refined it and today it’s a multi-million naira business, a business that many Nigerians saw when it was in its development stage and even wondered why someone would venture into such a hopeless venture.”

Today she has a mansion and the first thing that comes to the average man’s mind is why she doesn’t have a husband? How many husbands have made their women develop their full potentials to reach Linda’s achievements? Don’t get me wrong, am not saying that Linda shouldn’t get married, it’s the law of nature. Rather am saying her achievement is in no way related to marriage, that many men think that a woman as successful as Linda can’t attract a man due to her level of success does not mean that her neighbors in her class in Banana Island can’t be attracted to her or that she is not capable of choosing her spouse.

The Sitting Room

The Sitting Room

As much as procreation is a law of nature, there is no law that states that the woman cannot be successful before marriage or even be richer than her husband. This is the Era of change where women are becoming heads of government; Germany, the United Kingdom have women holding power while the U.S. has a female presidential candidate. Here we are still struggling to accept a successful woman. Some people out of beef and chauvinism have even gone as far as calling for a probe into the source of her wealth. I am sure that if it were to be a man and he was still unmarried not many people will have a problem with him.

Well this is a wake-up call for those ladies out there who have a dream, especially if you are unmarried (just joking), with a little hard work and patience you can become your own Linda and that should make you a more desirable spouse than just remaining in your jobless penniless state waiting for a man to come sweep you off your poverty. I can bet that almost half of the married women out there married their husbands for financial dependence, and if they were in Linda’s shoes; they would have married one handsome, tall bloke with six packs that would be faithful and would be at their beck and call. Well Linda is living proof that you can still achieve those dreams and trust me when I say the more financially independent you are the more attractive you are to the kind of man you truly desire and not the one you are currently managing due to condition.

“To men I think we should be dynamic with the ever changing world, in the reality of our economic times a woman’s place is no longer in the kitchen, they are also to contribute both to the G.D.P. of the nation and the income of the family and so they should be celebrated and applauded when they achieve a mile stone. Linda is one of such women that should be applauded and encouraged rather than being beefed and scornfully looked down on with disdain. Men send your wives and sisters to Linda for mentoring”.

Linda on the other hand, many Nigerians are angry you are not married; if by chance you get to read this post I want to say please continue your good work and please I am hoping to see you launch a whole estate soon or a telecommunications company, also whispering (unleash your hubby soonest so critics can take a hike). Also a section of us would love to hear that you give back to the society more, it’s an obligation you owe to a society that has given to you.

Gospel of the Anthill by the Antman.

Thank you.

Women as Builders

Women are the builders of lives and destinies. It’s our sole duty to choose mates with high value status in terms of morals for the sake of our offspring…

Raise strong respectful men who will know the value of women and how to treat them and women who stand by their husbands come what may. Sadly the race to be Mrs. Somebody makes women settle for less and when you decide to go against the norm you are blamed.

A cue should be taken from men of the Stone Age though barbaric they protected their women, had high values and morals..

Despite the women and girls barely covering their womanly parts rape was seen as a highly dishonorable crime but these days even a fully clad woman is raped and blamed for her misfortune.

A man may marry the wrong woman and get away with it simply by divorcing her and moving on to the next woman. A woman marrying the wrong man jeopardizes her future and that of the children if she gets divorced and is forced to raise the children on her own. The kids will not be psychologically balanced due to lack of a complete family structure and she becomes a bitter woman.

“The kids need their father and mother to grow up into grounded adults.”

Women for the love of your children do not get married to just anyone, be sure you are ready to stay with your spouse come what may; either he gets so broke, or so sick or so annoying but do ensure he is morally sound.

“You swore for better for worse so stick to your words but before you say those words ensure it is not because you feel you are running out of time or that your girlfriends have all become mummies. Truth is everyone has a different time frame for their race in this life.”

If you can’t see yourself with that man in at least the next fifty years whether he is broke, pot bellied with his guts spilling out or sick and confined to a wheel chair annoying you with babyish demands and rants then stay put.

“Yes he may give you the best wedding but will he give you the best marriage? Years from now will he choose you again all over or will he regret his decision because life’s realities brought out the real you and not the fantasy woman he fell in love with.”

I met two sisters the elder one has so little self esteem while the younger one’s eyes look funny like she is going blind. Everytime I see them roam around, I wonder why so I made my findings and discovered that their mother left their father because his meagre earning as a motorcyclist was not sufficient for her lifestyle.

She left him with her two young girls and went after a more comfortable man. The younger got sick with measles almost went blind while the elder one lost her self confidence since there was no one to shower her with the love she needed to hone her confidence.

In my little way I have tried to befriend them so I can inspire them to be better.

Our electrician also told us of how his wife left him to be with a richer man since his business took a down turn, he said he can’t take care of their young kids on his own since he needs to go out there to source for their livelihood.

Do not bring messed up kids to this world because when the home front is messed up you have a frustrated husband and kids with low self esteem.

“Women I beseech you stop marrying for the sake of being Mrs Somebody rather marry because you are ready and willing to sacrifice what it takes to bear that title.

Remember we were crafted to be the helpmate, home maker and a mother not just to our children but to everyone.”

Feel free to drop your comments.

A Stone To Kill Many Birds or Many Stones To Kill A Bird

Life would always happen even if you choose to standstill and do nothing. People will be born, people will succeed, people will fail, people will die and people will be reborn. Which will you be? I challenge you to take a stand (I hope I called-you-to-action).

There is a philosophy of life that says “kill many birds with a stone” but I do see things differently. I know a lot of people will disagree with me on this but let me tell you why I disagree so you can see things the way I do.

Picture this: You have been in a forest for days without food, you have eaten all the edible fruits you could find and now you are starving. You noticed some birds perching on a tree so you pick up a stone, aim and throw. What do you get? All the birds fly away, you have no stones left and you have just lost your only ticket to a meal.

Now picture this: You see some birds perching on a tree, you have many stones, you aim and throw one stone after the other. You either get a dead bird or an injured bird and yes others will fly away but most likely you will have one or two hurt also. And voila you have your meal thereby increasing your survival rate in the forest.

Let us apply these illustrations to a real life situation: You have a business target to meet and you go about achieving results in just one way, unfortunately at the board meeting the directors threw out your so called brilliant idea which you had spent days, weeks and even months developing. The deadline is far gone and you have no results.  In another scenario you have a target and you approach things like this: you divide your team into sub-teams and task each one to come up with ideas which are all well developed. On the D-day you strut into the meeting area and dazzle your directors with different models. This inevitably increases your chances of being approved by your Board.

So you see why I do not buy the popular idea. I am of the opinion we need to think outside the box.

Feel free to share your opinion.

LEECHES

Leeches
Bloody Leeches
They suck you dry
And leave you to die

They are everywhere
And nowhere
In the guise of Family, Friends and Lovers

You never know when the teeth sinks in
At first tiny drops of blood
Then in pints

Till you are a walking corpse
You will never know
Till you are lowered below
And your spirit sojourns
To the great beyond

Never allow in the leeches
This I preach
Why you ask
They take two when you give one

The 21st Century Plague

Fun & Healthy Sandwich

As made by moi

Read the rest of this entry

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